Yes, teen girls could be drama queens, but mom's could be drama mamas.
"What are you discussing? It's my daughter's fault. She is rude, disrespectful, and defiant."
I understand it's easy to target on your daughter's behavior, but it's easy for mom's to participate the drama dance and escalate the drama.
Now I'm not blaming moms or letting teenage girls off the hook.
But moms need certainly to take responsibility for their part in the drama dance. I'm a mom of a teenager and I discover how easy it's to obtain hooked in the drama. But this can be a good news.
Whenever you take responsibility for the part, you are able to avoid most the drama with your daughter.
The drama will dissipate quickly whenever you refuse to participate the drama dance.
It takes two to complete the drama dance. This is the reason it's important to understand the way you escalate the drama. No mom intentionally escalates the drama dance. It's a reaction. You react because you're afraid, frustrated, or she makes you are feeling such as for instance a failure.
The Six Ways Moms Escalate Drama
1. Lose Control
Your daughter loses control. She starts yelling and being disrespectful, and before you know it, your feel the fire welling up in your belly. You are in touch with your inner warrior. You've had it, and you're ready to put her in her place, however, you lose control.
You lose control of your words, judgment, and actions.
Result: Whenever you lose control, it gives your daughter permission to lose control. This creates a downward cycle that creates an entire new group of problems.Dramacool
What you can do about any of it: Take a break. Visit the store. Walk round the block. Take a shower. You need time and energy to calm down.
2. Escalate the Arguing
Avoid arguing at all costs. It is not a conversation; it's an electrical struggle where there is going to be considered a winner and loser. It's a fight to the finish.
Your daughter will attempt to obtain what she wants by arguing with you.
She use her teenage logic that will be really code for "I will argue with you till you allow me to do what I want."
She'll throw things at you prefer, "You hate my friends." For the bait and start defending and arguing why you don't hate her friends, she'll continue steadily to argue with increased passion and emotion. These arguments go downhill quickly. She'll throw everything at you to obtain her way.
Result: Arguments are doomed from the beginning. Your daughter really isn't open from what you have to say. She just wants her way. Since these arguments are very frustrating and irrational you're bound to lose it in bigger ways.
What you can do about any of it: Wait for a time when both you and your daughter are calm. This is your very best chance to have a conversation. When one individual is upset it will become an argument.
Get clear about what you think and what you are going to do about it. A lot of arguing happens when you are not clear.
3. Scare Her
Another tactic is wanting to scare your daughter into changing. This happens whenever you feel you can't get right through to her.
You try to scare her by making negative predictions in the future.
- If you should be sick and tired of your daughter's room being trashed, you say, "In the event that you don't discover ways to look after your things you are going to be the largest slob in the world. Nobody may wish to room with you in college. All the best finding some guy who'll put up with that."
These negative predictions fly from orally when you are really frustrated and you don't know what else to do.
Other negative predictions are:
- In the event that you keep eating like that you're going to be huge.
- In the event that you don't value your grades you will never enter a college. You'll be lucky to get a job at a junk food restaurant.
Result: Your daughter feels humiliated or shame. She'll feel that you've given up on her.
One teenage girl said, "My mom thinks I'm stupid and can't enter college."
Negative predictions result in apathy, despair, anger, and shame. They never motivate.
What you can do about any of it: Remember your daughter's strengths, abilities, and resiliencies. This can help calm your fears. Encourage her by saying things such as, "I understand you can be successful, whenever you put the time and effort into it." You are challenging her in a positive way.
